“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.” – Mark Twain
Believe it or not, we are in the last quarter of 2018!! You will likely find yourself in one of two categories – feeling a sense of accomplishment that you are done with your 2018 goals and this last quarter will be used to plan for 2019 so you have a head start next year. Or you may be in the second category saying “How did the year fly so fast? I have not even tackled one of my most important goals of 2018!.” If you are in the second category, it’s never too late to get started. According to the popular Chinese proverb, “The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second-best time is now.
Last week in Lagos, Nigeria, I was with someone very close to me, and I asked her about one of her major 2018 goals – to study and excel in her GMAT exams to enable her gain admission into a highly rated MBA program. She responded that she had still not done the exam. I continued to ask questions to get to the cause of this procrastination.
As a coach, I recognize that the answer always lies within – so it was not a question of telling her what to do. She knew what to do! I had to keep probing until she gets the awareness of why she was not moving forward. Eventually, she realized it was the fear of not getting very high scores to get admission into the top 5 MBA programs in the world. This fear had paralyzed her, and she did not have a set date to do the exam.
Can you identify a fear that paralyzes you which prevents you from not moving forward with a goal you know is very important to you? If yes, you are not alone!
According to an article I read in Psychology Today, fear is a normal feeling you experience when you have not worked on that goal before. You also feel fear when you do not have the knowledge of how to tackle the project, or you may have very high and unrealistic expectations of yourself in accomplishing that project. While some may say, the solution is to break down the project into several smaller activities, that is not effective in dealing with the fear, at least not at the beginning.
In this example – initially creating a project plan to study and excel in the GMAT exams may include – buy the study guides, schedule time to study, attend revision classes, etc. This will not be initially effective because she has not dealt with the root cause of the issue – fear of not scoring high enough.
The 1st and major step to mastering fear (before creating a project plan) – is to acknowledge that you are feeling fearful. As a woman of faith, I will not say I am afraid, but rather I feel afraid. Feelings are only feelings and not reality, but you must acknowledge that feeling – call it what it is, even if you are ‘macho’ (lol).
The 2nd step is to ask yourself why am I feeling afraid? In this example – she feared not getting high scores to get admitted into a top MBA program
The 3rd step is to ask yourself – what can you do about it? Are my expectations unrealistic? Do I have enough knowledge, tools and support to help me to achieve my goal? Most likely your answer to these two questions will be No.
It is when you have answered these questions that the 1st step in your project plan will be – How can I reduce my unrealistic expectation? Perhaps in this situation– decide to take the GMAT exams twice – the 1st will be a practice session, to identify areas she can improve upon. The second will be – What tools, support do I need to help me achieve my goal? She could enroll in the best GMAT revision program that have experience in helping students get the highest scores and also for accountability.
It is only when you have resolved the fear of acting, can you then develop a plan with deadlines to achieve your goal.
What is the one major goal you will like to achieve in this last quarter of 2018, in which fear has prevented from acting?
Post your comments below.
Here’s to your best 4th quarter, thus far!